It’s always seems easy to accept when God gives us beautiful things… it’s easy to accept the exciting news of a new job, a new baby on the way, a new friend, a new love. Those things are exciting to accept and something more often than not that people look forward to and dream about. When God gives, it’s easy to love him. It’s easy for the praise to flow off of our lips and from our hearts. But how easy is it to praise him when the darkness of something being taken away comes? When the taste of bitterness can still be tasted in your mouth, when your heart hurts from the crushing weight of devestation. How do you praise God when something so beautiful is taken from you too soon?
About 6 weeks ago, our family endured the most devastating loss we have ever experienced. My brother, Christian, and his wife, Skyler, faced both beautiful and worst days of their life. Skyler, my sister-in-law was 34 weeks pregnant with their second little boy. She had been facing a very rough pregnancy all while chasing after their super cute one year old little boy Asher. On April 27,2017 Skyler’s water broke unexpectedly. Now some might not think to worry, a baby born at 34 weeks has a very good prognosis of being born completely healthy. But this was not like any normal pregnancy. Early on Skyler and my brother found out their baby had a low chance of being born with Edwards Syndrome, also known as Trisomy 18. My sister-in-law decided to not go further with testing because she knew, no matter the outcome, she was going to carry her baby to term and love him beyond anything in this world.
As her pregnancy continued, doctors warned both her and my brother that their son would most likely not survive delivery. The devestation of hearing those words are unlike any other. How does one go from the joy and excitement of finding out they are pregnant to the heartbreak of hearing their baby may not survive? Well, Skyler and Christian… they went straight to God. No hesitation, they claimed healing, they claimed joy and miracles. The beauty of their strength and faith through this walk was an amazing inspiration to so many. So many people were praying and standing with them in agreement for healing.
So, April 27th, Skyler brought her beautiful little boy into the world via emergency c-section. Levi Josiah Clark was born at 7:56pm weighing 3lbs 6oz. He went against what the doctors said and he was born ALIVE! Doctors said he would not survive delivery, God had something else planned. He was so tiny and so beautiful. You could look at him and see the markers that indicated he did have Trisomy 18. Yet, with the certain deformities that came with Trisomy 18, he was absolutely perfect. It’s amazing, because in that moment it was like God allowed us to see how he looks at each one of us. There’s nothing that can separate his love from us. There was nothing that could separate the love each one of us had for Levi.
We all enjoyed such beautiful moments with Levi that we will cherish forever. Although Levi was born the prayers for him did not stop. In that moment, it’s easy to question God. It’s easy to want to know why the healing we all prayed for didn’t come. Why the miracles we wanted so badly didn’t happen. In the Bible, Isaiah 55:8-9 says; “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
It’s hard to grasp that verse when your in the midst of darkness. Yet that is where the faith kicks in, for us not to lean or trust on our own understanding but to put our full trust and faith in God.
Levi may not have gained the healing we expected, but he did gain complete healing. He took his last breath on earth and inhaled the holy presence of God the next on May 1,2017. He left this world behind in the comfort of his mommy and daddy’s arms who were surrounded by all the people who love them the most.
Some have said we are justified to be angry at God, but how could I be angry at God when he gave us so much? 4 days may not seem like much time, and it’s really not here on earth, but each day that passes, we are one day closer to being able to spend all of eternity with Levi while we worship in the presence of the King of Kings. God allowed us each to see Levi alive, we got to hold his hand, rub his prescious baby feet, look into his tiny eyes as he peeked at us when we spoke to him. God let us experience a true miracle. He let us experience joy knowing that Levi is healed and whole, he will never suffer or know pain. Most of all, God have each of us a peace that surpasses all understanding. He brought us each closer together as a family. Relationships grew because of this sweet miracle boy. He helped strengthen our relationship with God.
If you’re in the middle of heartbreak right now, I encourage you to lean on God. It doesn’t mean the hurt and anger of losing something or someone isn’t there, it just means that through all of it, God will be right next to you to guide you through it. His promises never fail, his words never return void. He is a Good Good Father. His peace is better than anything you can look for in worldly objects. His grace and mercy renews every morning and he will carry you through.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18